Two recent unrelated yet curiously parallel scientific studies illuminate strategies we can use to manage workplace conflict.
In one study, researchers at Britain’s Keele University asked 64 volunteers to immerse their dominant hand in ice water. Half were invited to curse out loud repeatedly while their hand was in the water, while the rest were instead asked to repeat a descriptive word about a table. Dr. Stephens et al discovered that people, particularly women, who cursed could keep their hand immersed in ice water significantly longer.

In the second study, UCLA psychologists found that subjects could tolerate significantly more heat stimuli applied to their arms if they looked at a photo of a loved one while the heat was “on”.

So what do these two studies have to do with workplace conflict?

One important strategy to deal with difficult people and frustrating situations at work, is to first vent safely away from the workplace situation. By using such strategies as cursing, hitting a punching bag, complaining vigorously to a friend, or writing and ripping up an angry letter (far away from any send buttons), we can release anger and find a peaceful center.

Then, we can figure out what we really need and want to say or do, calmly and professionally. If we allow space and relief for our emotions or sense of unfairness, we are much less likely to escalate the conflict with a verbal explosion, hasty action, or ill- advised criticism of a boss or co-worker. We will be more able to listen to the other person’s perspective, and more likely to have a positive outcome to a challenging conversation.

And the photo of the loved one?

Conflicts escalate and conversations become more confrontational and dangerous when people feel that their identity is being attacked. Remembering we are beloved and loving friends and family members clarifies that our worth does not come only from our work or our job title. This too can take some of the charge out of challenging workplace conversations, and help us look at our share in the problem without feeling that we have to defend our image as a good worker, manager, or person.

Lorraine Segal has her own Santa Rosa, California based business, Conflict Remedy, transforming communication and conflict through training, communication & forgiveness coaching, mediation and facilitation for organizations, parents & teens, couples, and others. She offers coaching by telephone and SKYPE as well as face to face and also teaches in the Conflict Resolution program at Sonoma State University.

References: Swearing Can Make You Feel Better, Thinking of a Loved One Can Lessen Pain

©Lorraine Segal www.ConflictRemedy.com