If my co-worker or boss thinks Brussels sprouts are scrumptious, and I hate them, is this a conflict or a differing opinion?
I hope it is just a difference, because my numerous attempts to eat them all ended after one terrible bite. No amount of lecturing about their nutritional value, encouraging descriptions of delicious recipes, or even downright disapproval of my Brussels sprout avoiding ways could make their flavor palatable to me.
A few years after the last of my failed attempts, I read a scientific study that completely vindicated my reaction. The study found that genetics, in this case an inherited (or missing) taste receptor, causes us to either love or hate the taste of Brussels sprouts. We have no choice in the matter at all.
But what if my co-worker or supervisor saw my dislike of Brussels sprouts as a moral or professional failing, proof that I was flawed and inferior? They might judge my work harshly, or ignore my expertise, using any mistakes I made to justify their negative opinion of me. “Well,” they would say with shrug, “what else can you expect of someone who won’t eat Brussels sprouts?”
I haven’t actually met anyone who uses Brussels sprouts as a benchmark, but I have seen major conflicts that began because of relatively small differences in work or communication styles.
We would all benefit from cultivating, without judgment, a gentle awareness of the many cultural and biological differences between people at a workplace.
Lorraine Segal has her own Santa Rosa, California based business, Conflict Remedy, transforming communication and conflict through training, communication & forgiveness coaching, mediation and facilitation for organizations, parents & teens, couples, and others. She offers coaching by telephone and SKYPE as well as face to face and also teaches in the Conflict Resolution program at Sonoma State University.
©Lorraine Segal www.ConflictRemedy.com