photo by Lorraine Segal ConflictRemedy
Disagree, with Respect
Disagreeing about something doesn’t mean you or the other person or the disagreement itself are bad. On the contrary, disagreement and conflict are fundamental aspects of human behavior that inevitably manifest in our personal and professional lives.
With projects and colleagues at work, and even in politics, disagreement can have a positive creative function to explore different approaches and ideas to solving problems. The key to successful disagreement and conflict starts with respect for others.
Why is respect so important?
Without respect, you are not seeing the other person or group as valuable and fully human. You don’t hold their wellbeing as important; you dismiss their ideas, experience, and perspective as not worth considering. And you miss out on a great deal that could help you, or that could help a business succeed.
How do you show respect? Hold your story lightly.
As I tell my clients and students, each of us have our own perspective, our own story. You may believe very strongly that your story is “right”, but someone else may have a very different perspective and feel just as strongly that theirs is correct. If you can hold your story lightly instead of tightly, you can make room for more opinions and options.
Curiosity and listening help.
What is their story anyway? Being curious about their story and how it differs from yours, listening with open ears and heart, and allowing both of you to be right expands the story possibilities to include multiple ideas and perspectives. You don’t have to make yourself or them wrong.
Why bother?
Without respect, without curiosity and listening, conflict degenerates into sniping and contempt. Without a safe place for differences, you lose out on deeper understanding and connection. In a work project, you miss out on the creativity and new ideas that everyone can bring. And even if you are in the middle of a disagreement that hasn’t gone well, starting now with respect and curiosity instead being stuck in past poor interactions can bring a fresh, positive approach to transforming the conflict.
Lorraine Segal has helped over 2000 leaders and others in organizations and corporations communicate more clearly, transform conflicts, and let go of resentments. The goal: to create a more harmonious and productive workplace. Through her business, Conflict Remedy, Lorraine creates customized training and coaching programs for non-profit organizations, corporations, and government agencies and Sonoma State University. She was recently named one of the top 15 coaches in Santa Rosa by Influence Digest. She is a contributing author to the book, Stand Up, Speak Out Against Workplace Bullying. Her latest project, a memoir called: Angels and Earthworms, an unexpected journey to love, joy, and miracles, is about her transformation from miserable self-doubt to self-acceptance, true love, spiritual awareness, and right livelihood. Find out more about the memoir here. Contact Lorraine through ConflictRemedy to request a free consultation for you and your organization or to sign up for her conflict remedy newsletter and blog.
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