How To Transform Conflict at Work: One Example
I just got concrete confirmation that the training and coaching I do to help leaders and others manage conflict more effectively actually works!
Last year, I created a 10 hour five session training program for the staff of a California state agency. The executive director, with whom I’d been doing leadership coaching, was deeply concerned about the agency’s overall conflict competence. Every year the agency staff filled out a self-assessment, their annual “climate” survey, about how the agency was doing on a variety of measures, and every year the agency scored very low on how they manage and resolve conflict.
The training series I created was well received and staff were appreciative. And then last week the executive director sent me the results of their latest climate survey as it relates to conflict.
Form 50% to more than 75%
In 2019, only about 50% of the staff thought conflict was handled well. The other half thought it was poorly managed, with little resolution and little information about how to resolve conflicts quickly and constructively or, prevent them from escalating. In 2024, after the ten hour training, over 75% of the staff thought the agency was doing a good job with conflict, and they all credited the training as key for their current views! I love the work I do, and it was immensely gratifying to get that outside affirmation of how effective training can be to jump start positive changes.
So what is it I do in ten hours that made such a dramatic shift?
As I like to say at the beginning of each training series, my goal is simple (but not easy): to shift people’s hearts, minds, and behaviors. I create a safe yet challenging learning environment, share information (leavened with humor), and offer opportunities for introspection and interaction. Here are some key teachings:
Conflict isn’t the enemy.
I help people see that conflict isn’t the enemy. That having conflict doesn’t mean they did something wrong, because it is simply part of being human.
We are all OK and conflict skills are learnable.
I start with love and safety. I assure them that everyone, including me, struggles with conflict and disagreements sometimes; that none of us do it perfectly. But, conflict skills are completely learnable, with awareness, practice, patience, and persistence. In other words, I help people remember that building conflict competence is a process. All they must do is be willing to start and be willing to change and willing to make mistakes, and recognize that other humans will make mistakes, too.
With understanding and curiosity, we can have better conversations.
Then I teach them how they can have better difficult conversations, through understanding and curiosity about the other person, and clarity about their own feelings and motivations. While we can’t make others change, we can change our perspective and behavior.
Mobbing and bullying aren’t the same as conflict.
We examine crucial differences between bullying & mobbing and conflict at work so they can take the right approach to a problem at their workplace. Too often, mobbing is dismissed as interpersonal conflict, which leads to it persisting and escalating.
Cultural differences and bias/beliefs can fuel conflict
Assumptions and stereotypes can lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflict. By examining our own beliefs and behavior and learning to make better, conscious choices we can promote harmony and group cohesiveness at work.
You can’t resolve a conflict if you are holding a grudge.
We explore why forgiveness and letting go of resentments and grudges are crucial, and how to start. I use guided visualizations, forgiveness “myth busting” and explain why letting go is a gift to ourselves.
This training is only a beginning
I am always very clear that my training is only a beginning, that they won’t remember everything we talked about or did, but that over time, they can apply what they learned imperfectly and keep getting better at it.
Lorraine Segal has helped over 2000 leaders and others in organizations and corporations communicate more clearly, transform conflicts, and let go of resentments. The goal: to create a more harmonious and productive workplace. Through her business, Conflict Remedy, Lorraine creates customized training and coaching programs for non-profit organizations, corporations, and government agencies and Sonoma State University. She was recently named one of the top 15 coaches in Santa Rosa by Influence Digest. She is a contributing author to the book, Stand Up, Speak Out Against Workplace Bullying. Her latest project, a memoir called: Angels and Earthworms, an unexpected journey to love, joy, and miracles, is about her transformation from miserable self-doubt to self-acceptance, true love, spiritual awareness, and right livelihood. Find out more about the memoir here. Contact Lorraine through ConflictRemedy to request a free consultation for you and your organization or to sign up for her conflict remedy newsletter and blog.
Related Blog Post:
Changing People’s Hearts, Minds, Behaviors around Conflict
© 2024 Lorraine Segal ConflictRemedy
