Collage by Lorraine Segal ConflictRemedy.com
Jane Austen and the Power of a Different Story
Stories have power. Whether it is a story we are telling ourselves, or the story of Pride and Prejudice, stories can educate, entertain, or transform.
Story is a key concept in the conflict transformation work I do with clients. My clients learn to express their own story about a conflict. They come to understand that theirs is one story, which feels true to them , but it is not the only possible story. Ever so gently, I encourage them to understand that the other person in the conflict has a different story, which feels just as true to them. Often this realization allows them to soften their hearts and open up to better communication and understanding.
A perfect example for me is a modern book I read recently, The Other Bennet Sister by Janet Hadlow. It tells the familiar story of Pride and Prejudice from the perspective of Mary Bennet. Before I read this book, I had accepted Jane Austen’s dismissal of Mary as foolish and only worth of mockery without question. But this beautifully realized story castes Mary in a very different light. It makes perfect sense, every bit as much as Jane Austen’s story does, and. presents Mary as far more sympathetic, even admirable.
There is no doubt that Jane Austen was a masterful story teller, and I have been a huge fan of her novels since I was eleven years old. She has a compelling perspective, and, yet, it isn’t the only possible one.
In this new book, Mary is the lost middle child. Lizzie and Jane have each other as confidantes and allies, as do Kitty and Lydia, but Mary has no one. Her mother is highly critical and dismissive because she isn’t as pretty as her sisters, and her father ignores her, as he does everyone but Elizabeth and to a lesser extent Jane. Mary yearns for a sense of belonging, for love, recognition, appreciation. She feels utterly invisible and without value. She is socially awkward and makes things worse for herself as she tries to reach out and connect. This narrative reveals aspects of Mary’s character and situation that had never occurred to me before. She becomes a fully realized being with depth and complexity.
It was a striking reminder that there is never just one story. If we are willing to be curious about what other stories are possible and how other people view a situation, this awareness can transform our relationships and conflicts.
The Other Bennet Sister give Mary her own happy ending. My clients often get their own happy endings to their conflicts, too, if they can embrace the healing power of multiple perspectives.
Lorraine Segal has helped over 2000 leaders and others in organizations and corporations communicate more clearly, transform conflicts, and let go of resentments. The goal: to create a more harmonious and productive workplace. Through her business, Conflict Remedy, Lorraine creates customized training and coaching programs for non-profit organizations, corporations, and government agencies and Sonoma State University. She was recently named one of the top 15 coaches in Santa Rosa by Influence Digest. She is a contributing author to the book, Stand Up, Speak Out Against Workplace Bullying. Her latest project, a memoir called: Angels and Earthworms, an unexpected journey to love, joy, and miracles, is about her transformation from miserable self-doubt to self-acceptance, true love, spiritual awareness, and right livelihood. Find out more about the memoir here. Contact Lorraine through ConflictRemedy to request a free consultation for you and your organization or to sign up for her conflict remedy newsletter and blog.
Related blog article:
The Power of Story to Shift Conflict
A Novel Approach to Building Empathy
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