Photo by Feodor Chistyakov on Unsplash
Carrots and Sincere Apologies
Giving and receiving a sincere apology may feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar, but it can go a long way to transforming a conflict. Recently, I had an unexpected experience in my local grocery store that ended with a good apology.
I was in the produce section picking out some loose carrots from the bin. I like the big ones, because they’re quicker to peel than a larger number of skinny ones. The bin was wide enough for two people to stand next to each other, and a woman came up on my right and started picking big carrots too.
She said to me cheerfully, “I’m getting these carrots for my horses. Are you getting carrots for your horses, too? “
I answered politely, “No, no horses,” and continued putting carrots into my bag.
Carrot Snatching
I was holding a lovely large carrot, when she suddenly snatched it right out of my hand! I was so startled that I didn’t even feel angry, and calmly said, “I’ve never had anyone take a carrot away from me before, but oh well.”
She stopped completely and said, “Oh my goodness, that was so rude.”
I’m really sorry.
She turned, made direct eye contact and said,” I’m really sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.” I could feel her genuineness, and so I looked her in the eye and told her, “I accept your apology.”
With appreciation, she added, “Thank you. You are an unusual person, aren’t you?”
What was she thinking!?
Maybe she thought that because I wasn’t getting carrots for my horses, her need for big carrots was more important than mine. No matter what, her behavior was out of line.
Short, sincere, and taking full responsibility
But when she acknowledged her behavior and offered the apology, I had a choice. I could’ve been huffy and held a grudge. Instead, I could feel her contrition, and it was a good apology: short, sincere, and taking full responsibility for her actions. That made it easier for me to accept completely. I didn’t walk away having made an enemy. And, I didn’t have to carry this event around with me except as an amusing story to share!
Lorraine Segal has helped over 2000 leaders and others in organizations and corporations communicate more clearly, transform conflicts, and let go of resentments. The goal: to create a more harmonious and productive workplace. Through her business, Conflict Remedy, Lorraine creates customized training and coaching programs for non-profit organizations, corporations, and government agencies and Sonoma State University. She was recently named one of the top 15 coaches in Santa Rosa by Influence Digest. She is a contributing author to the book, Stand Up, Speak Out Against Workplace Bullying. Her latest project, a memoir called: Angels and Earthworms, an unexpected journey to love, joy, and miracles, is about her transformation from miserable self-doubt to self-acceptance, true love, spiritual awareness, and right livelihood. Find out more about the memoir here. Contact Lorraine through ConflictRemedy to request a free consultation for you and your organization or to sign up for her conflict remedy newsletter and blog.
© 2025 Lorraine Segal ConflictRemedy
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