Photo by Gregory Fullard on Unsplash

I recently watched a remarkable docudrama on Masterpiece Theater Contemporary called Endgame, about secret  negotiating talks between high-ranking    members of the ANC and high-ranking members of the Afrikaner community.  These  talks were a key factor leading to the fall of apartheid. Part of the movie was a well-crafted action thriller, since the principle parties, Thabo Mbeki, Professor Will Esterhuyse, and Michael Young, their mediator, risked their lives to be at these meetings.

But a big portion of the movie, and the one I found most compelling, takes place around a negotiating table and shows the small steps these men, who initially viewed each other as enemies, took.

To the Afrikaners, the ANC members were murderous terrorists trying to destroy civilization; to the ANC the Afrikaners were murderous racists, supporters of a repressive regime.

And yet, the movie, based in part on actual minutes of the meetings, showed in exquisite detail how these men gradually came to trust each other and form a cohesive working group. How did they do this? The process is still mysterious. But they all began with a conviction that they loved their country and their people. They all knew that the current government was untenable and they were on the brink of a disastrous civil war.

Neither side trusted the other, but felt the situation was so perilous that they had to try. Both sides took risks of honesty, to say their truth, even when their own side would rather they concealed it. They also shared openly their suspicions of the other.

The talks and the hard won unity of the participants were a crucial piece of the negotiations that led to the freeing of Nelson Mandela and the end of apartheid. When Mr. Mbeki later became president, Dr. Esterhuyse was one of his most trusted advisers.

This docudrama inspired me. These enemies, who had excellent reasons to mistrust and hate each other, managed to communicate, build bridges, talk honestly, learn trust, and respect each other. With the help of a mediator, they dramatically changed their world for the better.
I have seen grudges and feuds in workplaces that carried a huge emotional charge. But surely, if these men could find common ground and listen to each other, then there is hope for all of us at work and with our families and neighbors.

Change is possible. We can shift our stances and negative opinions and open our hearts to the other. To quote Arundati Roy, “A better world is possible. On a quiet morning I can hear her breathing.”
Communication and conflict resolution techniques such as mediation, negotiation, facilitation, and conflict coaching can help all of us create more harmonious, productive workplaces and a better world.

Lorraine Segal has her own Santa Rosa, California based business, Conflict Remedy, transforming communication and conflict through training, communication & forgiveness coaching, mediation and facilitation for organizations, parents & teens, couples, and others. She offers coaching by telephone and SKYPE as well as face to face and also teaches in the Conflict Resolution program at Sonoma State University.