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Hidden Resentments at Work?
As humans, we are full of feelings at work as well as in our personal lives. But if we ignore these feelings or attempt to push them down, especially negative ones, they will leak out sideways with generally detrimental consequences.
I found a great example of how this can play out in a delightful novel called, I Hope This Finds You Well by Natalie Sue. As the story begins, Jolene is filled with rage and resentment. She hates her office job. She is isolated and feels underappreciated and has been passed over for promotion several times. She never complains directly to anyone, but has a passive aggressive outlet: at the end of her professional, polite emails, she tacks on a few lines or a paragraph filled with insults and complaints. Then she switches the font color to white so no one can see what she wrote. After months of doing this, she mistakenly forgets to switch the color. The entire department sees the “hidden” hostile message.
Luckily, she doesn’t lose her job but she feels humiliated and has to go to various HR workshops and meetings for anger management, team building, and professional communication.
Then through another inadvertent mishap, she gets temporary access to coworker’s and supervisors’ private emails. After reading these messages, Jolene starts to see her co-workers as fellow struggling human beings, and her attitude toward them softens and changes. This improves how she shows up at work and in all aspects of her life.
If you, like Jolene, are harboring bitter feelings at work, what can you do to improve the situation?
- Realize you can’t make anyone else change, so the change has to come from inside you.
- Let yourself vent (away from your work computer) in a written or verbal rant or by hitting a punching bag. Then, let it all go!
- Remind yourself that everyone you work with has their own problems, grief, issues, and story. That we are all united in our human feelings even if we appear quite different. Can you make room for their story, with compassion?
- If there is something genuinely wrong at work, such as sexual harassment or misconduct or too much stress or overtime, get support and speak up if you can.
- Take exquisite care of yourself in every way possible.
It takes courage to deal with feelings directly. I know from my own experience and that of my clients how challenging it can be. But every time I’ve done it, my life has improved and I am able to love myself and others more. It hasn’t always turned out the way I thought it should, but inevitably I found some kind of good outcome.
Lorraine Segal has helped over 2000 leaders and others in organizations and corporations communicate more clearly, transform conflicts, and let go of resentments. The goal: to create a more harmonious and productive workplace. Through her business, Conflict Remedy, Lorraine creates customized training and coaching programs for non-profit organizations, corporations, and government agencies and Sonoma State University. She was recently named one of the top 15 coaches in Santa Rosa by Influence Digest. She is a contributing author to the book, Stand Up, Speak Out Against Workplace Bullying. Her latest project, a memoir called: Angels and Earthworms, an unexpected journey to love, joy, and miracles, is about her transformation from miserable self-doubt to self-acceptance, true love, spiritual awareness, and right livelihood. Find out more about the memoir here. Contact Lorraine through ConflictRemedy to request a free consultation for you and your organization or to sign up for her conflict remedy newsletter and blog.
Related blog articles:
The Rashomon Effect and Conflict.
Its Fine and Other Misunderstandings That Fuel Conflict
© 2026 Conflict Remedy Lorraine Segal