Photo by Esellee Friendship via Photopin

In the face of tragedy and loss.

When experiencing tragedy, shock, loss, and fear, words of reassurance  and love are definitely important. But sometimes in the face of powerlessness and deep grief, touch offers the most comfort.

I read an article recently in the Huffington post about how very human and essential it is to hold hands and touch each other. It’s one of the first things little babies do; if you touch their hands, they grab on. According to the article, being touched helps us develop compassion, empathy, love, and tolerance.

The power of a warm hug.

When President Obama met with survivors and family members of those who were killed in the horrible gay nightclub shooting in Orlando, he said a few words to each of them, but mostly they all commented on how he gave them a warm real hug that they will remember for the rest of their lives.

I’ve written in an earlier blog post about how I see separation as a big cause of conflict and violence.

That people who commit crimes such as terrorism or mass murder do not usually feel like loved and accepted members of any community.

Sohail Ahmed turned from alienated hate to love.

One example is Sohail Ahmed, a reformed Muslim extremist who I heard interviewed by Rachel Maddow recently. He had been raised in a radical and fundamentalist Islamist sect and was in total denial that he was gay. On the brink of committing a terrorist act, he pulled back and started focusing on loving himself and others. He began to seek out other traditions within Islam that would include and accept him as he truly was. He chose the path of love and compassion instead of hate and violence, and in doing so transformed his life.

We all have a choice.

Most of us aren’t confronted by such stark and dramatic alternatives. But when we react to horrific and unconscionable events, or even just unfairness and meanness at work, we have a choice.

We can let it make us bitter and angry and want to hurt back. Or, we can choose to love ourselves and others, to reach out to each other with human connection. We can honor our grief, while understanding that those who want to hurt and rage are wounded beings. We can stand up strongly against injustice and inhumanity, and also focus on love and for each other, the warmth, of connectedness and shared feelings. Reaching out for loving community and support, listening to each other, we can work together to solve problems caused by differences, misunderstandings, and wounded hearts.

About Lorraine Segal: As a teacher, trainer, and coach, I am passionately committed to helping people in organizations and companies learn skills to release conflicts and misunderstandings, communicate better, and create a more harmonious and productive workplace. I teach communication and conflict management skills at Sonoma State University and St. Joseph’s Health Life Learning Center and have created programs for businesses and non profits. For more information or to request a consult or session, visit  www.ConflictRemedy.com.

Mentioned in the article:

The Science Behind The Profound Power Of Holding Hands
Rachel Maddow interviews Sohail Ahmed
Separation as a Cause of Violence and Conflict—Lorraine Segal

photo credit: Esellee Friendship via photopin (license)